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7 Things That Happen When You’re Learning to Love Yourself

Learning to love yourself isn’t always easy. It’s not a one-and-done activity that you accomplish and move on from. Self-love is a continuous journey, marked by seemingly vast peaks and valleys, which makes getting over the humps so rewarding.

During my teenage years, I truly hated myself. Rooted in vanity, I felt like I wasn’t attractive enough, which meant I wasn’t good enough for anything. I was a hypocrite – I sought compliments to validate my fragile self-esteem but swatted them away like giant bugs. I wanted attention but rescinded from any spotlight. I looked to other people to pump any form of confidence in me that I couldn’t produce myself. I wore that self-hatred like a second skin. It was exhausting for both me and the people around me.

I don’t know whether it was the Grace of God or some advert online, but something shifted in me to realize self-hatred isn’t sustainable. I wish I kept a diary that documented the intimate moments that led up to this point, but I can truly say I’ve done a one-eighty.

No more do I wallow in self-pity from self-induced insecurities. I stopped allowing myself to believe that I’m not good enough – literally, shifted my thought process. It’s why I believe our futures are ours for the taking. We just have to believe we’re worthy of doing so.

Learning how to love yourself is probably one of the most important journeys you’ll ever take. And the best part? All the positives that come with it. Here’s what I found to be 7 things that happen along the way.

1. You realize life happens for you, not to you

This is a big one. As we’re learning to love ourselves, the veil of negativity starts to drop. Our self-awareness is heightened, and we start to see our lives in a whole new light. Loving yourself isn’t the absence of negativity, but the ability to take those moments and reconstruct them into something more positive.

We realize that when unfortunate things happen, we can either lie down and just accept it or look at them as challenges that will bring us father on our journey. When we stop playing the victim in our own unfortunate series of events, and start to reframe our thinking, beautiful things start to happen. You feel more empowered and more open for what’s to come.

2. You start taking accountability

No one wants to admit when they’re wrong but having a strong sense of accountability feels like the positive aftermath of learning to love yourself. You realize that you are completely, 100% in control of how you accept situations, and how you respond to them.

You know that nothing happens unless you make it happen. You’re more than willing to objectively look at how you’re living your life and take control of things that just aren’t working anymore.

3. Your tolerance for bullsh*t becomes pretty low

My tolerance for relationships and things that add no benefit to my life is quite low. For good or for worse, you become much better at distancing yourself from anything that doesn’t provide you with value. Whether it’s a fair-weather friend or a crappy job, it becomes much easier to move on when you know your self-worth.

You learn to seek out the opportunities and relationships that better mirror who you are and what’s important to you. You don’t accept anything less.

4. You focus your energy on building a better you

We make choices every single day that can bring us closer or farther away from our goals. I believe the energy we put into those choices compound over the long run. That’s why, putting your energy into building a better you is crucial. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you have. Nourishing that relationship is an everyday activity, one that we directly control.

Making decisions that benefit us doesn’t feel like work but feels essential to our well-being. Being the best version of yourself is the foundation to everything else that happens in our lives.

5. Putting yourself out there doesn’t feel so scary

Putting yourself out there – whether it’s dating, making new friends, interacting with colleagues – can be overwhelming. But when you’re coming from a place of love, you know the value you can add to any relationship, which makes these new connections a little bit easier.

You realize that life happens outside of your comfort zone and while it’s scary as f*ck at first, you owe it to yourself to take chances. It might be the best thing you’ll ever do.

6. Your drive for success is more powerful than your fear of failure

No one wants to fail. It doesn’t feel great when we try something and don’t quite hit the mark. But here’s the thing – loving yourself enough to know that failures aren’t just handicaps but stepping stones for success is the narrative you learn to develop. Good things take time, including the successes we achieve in our lifetime.

In fact, the fear of never trying at all is enough to keep you up at night. You know that you have the ability to create the exact future you want for yourself and working towards that future becomes your #1 priority.

7. You are unapologetically yourself

And it feels so damn good.

What’s something you’ve learned on your journey of self-love? Let us know in the comments!

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  1. Debbie DeBellis

    Very good writing Jamie Lynn. Very informative

    • jamiereedy

      Thank you!

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